To decide to be assertive would definitely be a good New Year’s resolution for 2015, so let’s see what is assertiveness all about. What would you do in the following situation? Someone cuts the queue right in front of you. You:
a) do not say anything, it is not a very long queue
b) make loud comments so everyone can hear
c) ask the person to join the end of the queue
Most of us would probably choose either a) or b). Very few of us would react as described in option c). And that is exactly what assertiveness is all about. Assertiveness is the ability to express your feelings, opinions, beliefs and needs directly, openly and honestly, and in an appropriate way, without violating the personal rights of others. The road to assertiveness is long, but once you are on it, success is inevitable. How do you feel and react to your own and other people’s personal boundaries? How do you deal with criticism?
Passive types tend not to defend their personal boundaries and allow others to dominate them and the world around them. Aggressive types, without thinking twice, will take up the space and invade other people’s boundaries, using their ends to justify their means.
An assertive character is that golden middle we all aim towards – fearlessly speaking our mind while all the time respecting other people’s boundaries. There are many classic examples of assertive behaviour in history. Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King were both leaders of the civil rights movement, and both chose the path of non-violent resistance. Their commitment to non-violence, which implies assertive rather than aggressive behaviour, is what made them great leaders. Eventually, they both succeeded in making important reforms happen, even if only to a certain degree. They were able to make changes happen through assertion, and so are you.
