Negotiating Skills

Negotiating is defined as a process in which two or more parties use both verbal and non-verbal tactics to reach an agreement and achieve their goals. It is important to be aware that while negotiating we are constantly communicating not only by what we say but sometimes, more importantly, by the way we say it: our tone of voice, facial expressions, gestures and the way we hold our body (posture). When these two collide, we will trust non-verbal expressions over words.

In the process of negotiating, parties go through certain steps/phases:

1. Preparation: the stage in which the parties research one another, define their entry position (what you want to get) and exit position (what you are prepared to leave with or settle for). It is extremely important that you establish your BATNA (best alternative to negotiated agreement). If your entry position is to use the bathroom at 7 but for various reasons you are delayed, you might not be finished by 7:15. BATNA would in this case be your alternative: are you prepared to go to work without paying a visit to your bathroom? Or maybe start up a fight with your household members?

2. Discussion: in this phase parties build rapport, that is to say (preferably) a friendly relationship in which people get to know each other better which makes it easier for them to communicate. In that stage they also discuss points of their agenda. Believe it or not, this stage can actually take place in front of the bathroom. Rapport would in that case be rebuilt by reminding the other party of the favours you did to them. Discussing points on the agenda might however be too time-consuming.

3. Proposal: parties look for solutions and make proposals. Bear in mind that psychologists say that the ability to make concessions is what differentiates adults from children!

4. Bargaining: the stage in which they are trying to get the best possible deal (using IF clauses and asking hypothetical questions). What will I get if I let you use the bathroom before me?

Outcomes in negotiating can be the following:

a) win-win situation, when all the parties profit: come to work on time together.

b) win-lose situation, when one of the parties has absolute advantage over the other: one party is late for work, upset and shows obvious signs of spending too little time in the bathroom.

c) lose-lose situation, when both parties are at a disadvantage: they are both late for work, angry and with pieces of toothpaste all over.

Rules for a successful negotiator are the following:

aim big
concede small
be patient
be diplomatic

A successful negotiator is also the one who:

Prepares well – has clear aims.
Builds a long-term relationship.
Considers the conditions, not just the profit.
Listens – doesn’t interrupt.
Keeps emotions out of the process.
Shows genuine interest for the other party.
Never gives something for nothing.
Doesn’t rush the process.

Polite phrases will take you far not only in negotiations but in front of your own bathroom door. These “softeners” help you say what is on your mind without attacking the other person in the heat of the argument.

WE USUALLY SAY: That’s impossible. IT’S BETTER TO SAY: Unfortunately it wouldn’t be possible.

We won’t accept your proposal. I am afraid that at this stage we are not in a position to accept your proposal.

You’ll have to pay more if you want that. You may have to pay slightly more if you want that.

We need more time. Couldn’t we spend a little more time looking for a compromise there?